I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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