Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
