apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
