I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Randomize