all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Randomize
