I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
No subtext here. People are naked.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Randomize
