now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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