mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Randomize
