Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Randomize
