I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
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