I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
