the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
