Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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