Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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