he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
