Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
