i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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