You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
