Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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