drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Randomize
