Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
