I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Never underestimate the power of titties
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
