I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize