so explain again why im purple
no
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
