OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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