i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
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