I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
