i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
