If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
