Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
