handjob tips. give me some.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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