my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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