Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
