you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Liz is crying about burritos again.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
