And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize