My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
