I think I just saw someone hide a body.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Randomize
