You're completely useless in the revolution.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Randomize
