I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Who wears a wallet chain?!
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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