I can't breathe out the right side of my face
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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