I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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