The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Randomize
