How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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