He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
