With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
