Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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