go do what you do best...puke behind churches
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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