This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
