i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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