I puked a lego.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
