I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
