garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
