I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
