we have officially lost it.
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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