you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
