lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
