I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
