you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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