I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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