I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
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