he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I am available for nakedness
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
