my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I love having hate sex.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
