This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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