Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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