when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
