i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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