So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
