I wish you could order shots online.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
