Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I have demons in me.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize