you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
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