oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
