Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
