If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Also, beer. Big fan.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
