WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
