she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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