i permit you to call me
...so i touched it.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
