If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
we're making bets on your personal life
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I look excited, but its just a facade.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
