I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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