I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
