Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
