Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
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