I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
