my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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