no. you can't hotbox the world.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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