I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
