yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
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