we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
