covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
