My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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