when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
