I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I look excited, but its just a facade.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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