it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
