girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
