it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Randomize
