and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Randomize
