feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
