I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Randomize
